Thursday, January 04, 2007

I knew it!

Gay people have way more fun than straight people. How do I know this? Gay advertising is so much more entertaining than the mainstream rubbish.

Sitting in the pub tonight, I found Objects of Love, the official guide to the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. The cover looked promising, with little circular images including a nekkid bum, some boobs and a martini, but it was the ads that really stole the show.

Page 5: an ad for a dental practice with a lovely looking boy dressed only in a very low-slung towel and holding up a toothbrush. The pitch? "Things you'll never hear at Holdsworth House Dental Practice", including:

  • "I'm sure you've had nastier things in your mouth."
  • "So, got any kids yet?"
  • "That will cost... oh, just give us your car."
  • "Come on down, and bring your sought-after pink dollars!"
  • "No need to be afraid of a little prick!"

Comedy gold! Why don't they put stuff like this in mainstream publications? Are straight people really that easily offended? I'd pay extra to go to a dentist who never asked whether I had any kids yet.

Further in, we have an ad for water: "Pump me all night". Nice. Next page? Two extremely toned arses advertising Austrian Airways with the words, "No butts about it, we've got great packages."

A few more pages in, there's an ad for a deoderant called Naked. Of course.

I just couldn't find a thing to wear.

By this point, I was starting to feel very jealous, but then I reached the art exhibition ad on page 46. Suddenly, I was not jealous at all. But I was very, very sober:

The chairs! Take pity on the chairs!

Page 53 is advertising something called Sanctuary. I'm not sure what it is, but it's for when your "muff" is "feeling tuff". Um, excuse me, but how does one know if one's muff is feeling tuff? Does it start demanding tequlia laybacks and trying to pick fights with Hell's Angels?

On Page 61, there's an ad for a place called Hairstop, with a "Cheeky Mardi Gras Special - Pay for one cheek and get the other cheek on us." Apparently, this is valued at $300. (Why does it cost $300 to wax one bum cheek when legs only cost about $35? Wouldn't an arse be fairly easy to wax? And isn't that exploiting the pink dollar?)

Seven pages later, we have a full page ad for a nudey beach on Mykonos, complete with some boys wandering along in the buff. Page 70? Cocksox, of course.

And this is just the ads! The shows and exhibitions and parties look even more fun! Mardi Gras advertising is da shiz. I'm feeling pretty damned gypped with the mainstream junk, now that I've seen this. It just doesn't look like they're even trying to be witty or amusing, compared to this stuff. As an example, have a look at what I pulled out of an envelope full of rubbish in my letterbox today:

Who ordered the shaved chihuahua?

I think I'll have the guy on the train, thanks.

Labels: ,


At 1:57 am, January 05, 2007, Blogger Snoskred said...

That cocksox website is pure gold.. thanks for the link! ;) The pictures are quite pleasing to the eye, however the words are what sold me..

"Whether you're doing a deal in the boardroom or wining & dining your dream date, the COCKSOX™ briefs will give you the support & comfort to get through the day & night with enhanced confidence."

"At the beach, the pool or the traffic lights get ready to draw a crowd. Cocksox™ swimbriefs with drawstring. They'll hold up as long as you do, maybe longer."

Pity I don't have a cock of my own, really. ;) and while I can influence my other half to some extent in the areas of what he should wear, I doubt I could convince him to wear these..

At 6:34 am, January 05, 2007, Blogger jedimerc said...

That website is just... wrong. One thing I miss about Australia is the interestig advertisements. (Darn nudity laws...well, lewdness laws, no actual nudity laws in my state)

At 7:15 am, January 05, 2007, Blogger Matt said...

Oh dear: you've got to laugh don't you, but on a serious note, it does point to a rather bankrupt gay culture which coalesces around the gym, fucking and shiny white teeth; of which Sydney's is the worst in the whole world that I've ever witnessed. I want to shake these people by their large, toned shoulders and shout in their faces: "there is more to life than this!"

At 10:02 am, January 05, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

Snos, those are freaky dacks, aren't they? I suppose they're like the male equivalent of the push-up bra!

Jedi, I think the only reason they get away with these here is that no-one who would be likely to be offended would ever pick up a Mardi Gras guide. After all, someone might think they were like that ;)

Matt, I have to admit I haven't seen Sydney gay culture up close. I suppose it's like any other social group, though - there'll always people who are sex- and image-obsessed. Look at the straight girls who think about nothing but clothes, boys, partying and looking cute. They certainly need a good shaking.

At 12:02 am, January 06, 2007, Blogger londongirl said...

Brilliant. As you say, why can't advertising to straight people be a little more original/funny/closer to the wind?

I too would pay more for a dentist who didn't ask me if I had kids. Actually one who just shut up and got on with it would be good. How am I supposed to talk with your hands in my mouth anyway?

At 10:13 am, January 06, 2007, Blogger PetStarr said...

I'll have the guy on the train too, and one of your mojitos please. To go.

At 1:03 pm, January 06, 2007, Blogger Steph said...

Another reason why in my next life I'm coming back as a hot gay man. :P

At 8:49 pm, January 07, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

LG, I think they teach them at dentist school how to understand people talking through a mouthful of tools and fingers. It's just like teaching doctors to write chicken scrawl.

Pet, do you want fries with that?

Steph, as opposed to this life, where you're a hot fag hag? ;)

At 1:59 pm, January 08, 2007, Blogger meva said...

Off topic, but congratulations on being nominated by the clever, clever Audrey for Best SA Blog. Well deserved!

At 2:00 pm, January 08, 2007, Blogger meva said...

SORRY!!! It wasn't Audrey it was clever, clever nick cetacean

At 2:13 pm, January 08, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

Thanks Meva :) I really need to get up the energy to register so I can nominate some people too!

At 2:53 pm, January 08, 2007, Blogger Scorpy said...

I went a Mardi Gras party, years ago, and got shouted drinks all night...I told everyone I was straight but I am sure they wanted to turn me LOL

At 8:24 pm, January 08, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

Scorpy, he he he - butch military types like you must be a Village People dream! ;)


Post a Comment

<< Home