Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Oh, bugger.

On Sunday morning, I hauled my sorry arse out of bed. The house looked like ground zero would have looked had it had wine bottles and the entire contents of a kitchen scattered over it. There were people asleep on the couch and in my study, leftover from Saturday night's dinner party.

I wandered out onto the back verandah to start collecting beer bottles, wine glasses and the chess set that the boys had abandoned at dawn, only to find a stunned dove sitting on the buffalo grass. It had one wing stuck out at an angle; its neck feathers were damp and Mr Furpants was prowling nearby. I scolded him and picked up the dove.

"Bad kitty!"


"No, bad kitty!" (smack)


"No! Bad! Kitty!" (Smack!)

Eventually, I stood on a chair to put the dove up in the fretwork of the verandah, so it would be out of reach of Mr F's claws. I should admit that I have tried this in the past and it hasn't worked, but I was mildly hungover and really didn't have the strength to dispatch the poor thing. Yes, I knew that it had been mauled. Yes, I knew that it was probably in shock and/or would die of cat bite bugs. But it wasn't dead yet, so I put it out of kittyreach, hoping that it would gather its feathers and fly away.

I peered out the back door a few minutes later and saw Mr F standing on his hind legs on the arm of a chair, swiping at the dove four feet above. I'm not sure the dove even noticed. As I watched, it began to wobble on its perch and as the door slammed behind me, it rolled forwards, flapping drunkenly.

And instead of landing harmlessly on its back on the grass, it broke its neck on the edge of pavers.

Cheerful, yeah? Remind me to tell you about the time I visited the morgue.

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At 2:57 am, April 19, 2007, Blogger londongirl said...

This is reason one why I will never own a cat.

At 10:40 am, April 19, 2007, Blogger kiki said...

if the bird was dying, you should have just let the cat have it.
and you shouldn't have smacked it for doing what is has and will always do

cats are killers. it's their instinct to kill. don't punish the cat for that

At 12:04 pm, April 19, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

LG, mostly it's just rodents, which I can cope with.

Kiki, I know it's in his nature, but I have to try to discourage him from wiping out the bird population. I have a vague hope that if I make my displeasure known, he'll stop bringing me "presents".

At 12:48 pm, April 19, 2007, Blogger The Man at the Pub said...

Wow. You sure know how to dinner party! It's been a while since I had a party that required picking up dying animals in the backyard the next day.

At 8:17 pm, April 19, 2007, Anonymous Clyde said...

You really should put a bell around that cat's neck----something about the size of the Liberty Bell
Or teach it to attack your drunken visitors instead

At 8:04 pm, April 20, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

TMatP, ooh, baby, let me know next time you'll be in Oddelaide (if, of course, you ever venture here) and you'll see just what a full-on dinner party we can throw here at chez red and Bloke!

Clyde, you don't like cats very much, do you? Or alcohol? I think you need a nice, frosty beer to sip (or a martini, depending on your taste) while a purry kitty sits on your lap. What do you think?

At 12:03 pm, April 21, 2007, Anonymous Clyde said...

Sorry Red, you are right---I'm not a great fan of cats---but I dont wish them any harm--they are only domesticated to the extent that they want to be---get a free meal and a warm bed---just wish that they wouldnt harm native animals and birds---and even you cant defend that.
Now booze----bring it on--oh yes, a cold frothy, a nice wine-even with bubbles or a warming spirit--I'll be in the lot---and to excess at times----
Just thought your cat could clear the house of the additional sleeping bodies instead of murdering the innocent

At 6:54 pm, April 21, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

Clyde, and fair enough, too! Puss is a bad kitty sometimes and I do everything I can to keep him from killing birds. I feel guilty every time he gets one and I feel even worse if it's a native species. Luckily, though, the natives harrass the hell out of him and the corpse tally is mostly rodents. Oh, and hurrah for a warming spirit!

At 12:40 pm, April 22, 2007, Blogger PetStarr said...

This is why cats are utter bastards and should be confined to zoos. They are evil creatures with inky pools of death for eyes.

I am a dog person. :)

At 7:49 pm, April 22, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

Pet, ha! So you think you're exhonorated because you'd already gone home when the attempted murder took place? I didn't see you kick Mr Furpants when he was rubbing around everyone's legs the night before, begging bits of biltong! ;)

At 5:04 pm, April 27, 2007, Blogger PetStarr said...

Well, he was being cute then WASN'T HE? Little blighter.

At 9:51 pm, April 28, 2007, Anonymous Teddy said...

Hey Red
Just found out how you make a cat drink.
Put it in the blender and strain off the fur


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