Thursday, April 19, 2007

Why some people shouldn't be let out alone #893

(Bring, bring)

Red: Good morning, Cheese Shop.

Caller: Oh, hello. I'm looking for a phone number for Fred Nerk.

Red: I'll see if we have it.
(Looks in contacts list.)
No, sorry, I don't have his number.

Caller: Oh, I suppose I could just look in the phone book.

Red: Yes, he might be in the phone book.

(Hangs up very, very gently, so as not to startle the stupid bugs and make them jump down the phone.)



At 3:45 pm, April 19, 2007, Blogger killerrabbit said...

Now that person needs a course on Party Hair! Glitter gel would add to their intelligence quota.

At 6:47 pm, April 19, 2007, Blogger MadameBoffin said...

Honestly, we need to cull humanity of the stupid people - evolution just isn't doing it quick enough :P

At 11:13 pm, April 19, 2007, Blogger The Man at the Pub said...

Phone book shmone book. Why look something up when you can get someone else to do it.

Give me convenience or give me death.

At 1:46 pm, April 20, 2007, Blogger Steph said...

Bahahaha! Should have given them the number for the nearest mental home.

At 8:01 pm, April 20, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

Rabbit, you are so right. It might at least add some weight to the top of her head, anyway.

Boff, I'm with you! Darwin's theories were great, but could we just, like, speed shit up? Please?

TMatP, I like convenience too, but I hate making phone calls. Give me or give me... celery.

Steph, I should have the nearest loony bin on speed dial, just for myself :P

At 9:49 pm, April 20, 2007, Blogger Ariel said...

I've had a few of those 'so where do I find so-and-so'? questions from a former colleague (a loooong time ago). When she knows the person's full name and the company. It was after I'd left the job. She'd call a million times a day to ask things like that. And I'd suggest calling the switchboard and asking for X or Y. 'How do I do that? Where's THAT number?' Try the company website. The 'Contact Us' page. 'How do I find that?' Google it. Or yes, try the phone book. 'Oh. Okay.' WHY IS THAT HARD?!?!?!

At 10:15 pm, April 20, 2007, Blogger meva said...

Ok! One-up-manship.

Scene: Yearsandyearsandyearsago.

"Brrp. Brrp."

"Good morning. Faculty of Education."

"Can you tell me what that yellow stuff like Blu-tac is called?"


At 10:15 pm, April 20, 2007, Blogger Rach said...

Fred Nerk...

best name yet.

I'm baggsing that for my Child.. if he happens to come out the womb and I immediately take a disliking to him.

At 10:56 pm, April 20, 2007, Blogger ashleigh said...


Not fair.

Boff stole my line.

A bit of culling of the gene pool, praps a good thing.

Naturally, I'm too smart to be culled (just don't judge me on looks). Hmm. Damn.

Oh, and by the way, Fred Nerk (or Nurke) is a long-time all-purpose name in my parents house.

And my nickname by my father is Fred :(

At 7:00 pm, April 21, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

Ariel, I blame speed dial for all our problems!

Meva, ha! You win, hands down. Wow. I'm in awe of the sheer stupidity of that phone call.

Rach, Ashleigh's right - it's just another version of Joe Bloggs. I'm also rather fond of Arthur Dinsdale as an all-purpose name, but I stole that from Monty Python. (Ever seen the Spiny Norman skit?)

Ashleigh, ooh yeah, we need to chlorinate the gene pool. My father's nickname for me was Tinkerbell, so I think I got the better deal there.

At 8:49 pm, April 21, 2007, Blogger Ariel said...

Meva, that is brilliant. (Or very definitely NOT, I guess ...)

At 7:33 pm, April 22, 2007, Blogger Sakura said...

These kind of people really drain your energy don't they? There is a line from one of my fave songs "been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding" .. ... .. how true

At 7:44 pm, April 22, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

Sakura, I love that song! "The cretins cloning and feeding/ And I don't even own a TV..." Though I do, of course, since I need to watch House.

At 2:37 am, April 23, 2007, Blogger Nai said...

We used to get those 'Can you give me the number for....?' calls all the time at work (they probably still get them, but I'm not there so I don't care. Ha, it rhymed!). One of my work mates once responded with, 'I'll just put you through to Directory Services' and left them hanging on our very, very cheesy waiting tape ('when you come off hold, be sure to ask one of our helpful enrollments officers about blah blah blah' with snazzy muzak at a subtle level through out the 10 minute loop) for about 5 minutes before hanging up on them. Good thing the big boss never found out. Still, let the punishment fit the crime.

At 2:40 am, April 23, 2007, Blogger Nai said...

The Man at the Pub: I will only forgive you for making office shlubs, like me, answer inane phone calls because you have quoted The Dead Kennedy's.

At 1:35 pm, April 23, 2007, Blogger phishez_rule said...

You've gotta be careful with those stupid bugs. They're highly contagious.

At 8:28 pm, April 23, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

Nai, if the big boss had found out, he/she would have been on your side. Nobody wants their staff's time wasted with bollocks.

phishez, you really can't be too careful with stupid bugs. They're like rust bugs. Don't ever, ever startle either of them or it's all over. With rust bugs, this can be disastrous if it's your car they've been sitting on, because if you scare them, they just drop hands and suddenly you've got a pile of scrap made entirely of metallic honeycomb, wheels and some now-useless seats. Not cool.

At 3:34 pm, April 24, 2007, Blogger gigglewick said...

Dear All,


Me too. when I left my last job I resisted the urge to ring them every week to get contact numbers for people that I could get myself over the internet.

Seriously - how hard is it?

At 8:33 pm, April 26, 2007, Blogger Rosanna said...

Oh, for goodness sake. Some people need help.

At 10:25 pm, May 06, 2007, Blogger GoAwayPlease said...

re: "Ryder Flynn - This pains me. It really does. Ryder and Flynn are two of my favourite names. I heart Ryder Haggard to death and Flynn is just a damned good Celtic name. But do you know why I have to rag on this poor little kid? Because he has a brother named Hunter and another brother named Jett." ....
Ryder after Kate Hudson & Chris Robinson.
Hunter is an old Scottish 'first name' too.
Flynn after Elle McPhersons?
Jett after John Travoltas.?

(actually I thought the Kate Chris Ryder was named after the truck company whose vehicles traditionally hauled band equipment around.)
I am the worlds worst names freak.
Never mind your Traumatiser, the SA govt website actually has the names listed that it registers and the year I discovered this, there had been 21, yes 21, 'Cheyennes'. That was a while back, so if you know a kindy teacher, just ask how many of them she has now.

My magistrate friend and his colleagues keep names lists - they call them 'notifiables' and are very competitive re the worst names they see in court.
keep up the good work.

At 10:25 pm, May 07, 2007, Blogger redcap said...

goawayplease, thanks :) Your magistrate friend may just be onto something. I like the idea of a list of notifiable names. Perhaps the parents could be fined? I'm particularly attached to the Births, Deaths and Marriages names thingy too. There's gold in that thar list! Spiral-Moon was a clear winner for 2006.


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