Saturday, November 11, 2006

You dirty rat!

There's a corpse on the back verandah.

It's a gift of love from Mr Furpants, of course: a medium-sized rat with a brown back and a cream tummy. I'm telling myself that it's just having a little nap in the shade, so who am I to disturb its rest? So what if its feet are stuck in the air and its ropey little tail is as stiff as a chopstick? It's not chewed or otherwise mutilated - Mr F doesn't deign to eat rats. It's probaby very, very tired. It might be having a nap.

I know that sooner or later, I'm going to have to dig a hole and bury it, but I'm trying to put that off. Bloke has gone fishing with Number One Brother, so I can't make him do it, even though corpse disposal is clearly in his job description.

I might just go and check whether it's still there. It could have blown away. Just talk amongst yourself for a minute.

Back again. Oh holy God, the ants have found it. This is not good. I really am going to have to get the spade and dig it a shallow grave. The bin's only just been emptied and it's rather warm, so the old bag-and-bin trick isn't advisable. A rat in the bin is worth... well, something exceptionally pongy. And large. Dead rats really punch above their weight in the stinky stakes. The problem with burying it is that I'm bound to dig up other victims of our vicious little hunter. We always tend to bury the dead near the fences, so every time a new grave is sunk, older skeletons surface. It's quite macabre, really. I suppose it's lucky we don't live on an ancient Indian burial ground, or we'd be under siege from zombie rats and mouses.

Christ, I suppose I'd better go and do it. I bet Bloke comes home just as I'm patting down the last shovelful of earth. He'd better have caught some damned fish.

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At 5:05 pm, November 11, 2006, Blogger Ms Smack said...

hahahahahh hilarious.

thanks for adding me to your blogroll. I've reciprocated, with pleasure.

At 5:30 pm, November 11, 2006, Blogger Steph said...

Good lord. Trade your cat for a dog.*shudders*

At 9:53 pm, November 11, 2006, Blogger Snoskred said...

My kitties are indoor cats and sadly for them we do not have any kind of rodent problem, so instead they kill any insect which finds its way inside. I keep finding these spiders, already dead, left around for me to admire.

You probably could have done what everyone does with the prawn tails at Christmas.. ;)

At 1:22 am, November 12, 2006, Blogger Ms Smack said...

hehe red. I get those inside critters taken care of here too. Moths, flies are my cat's speciality.

At 8:20 am, November 12, 2006, Blogger gigglewick said...

Our little cat likes to find rodents of varying sizes and consume them (not so much a problem) leaving just one piece of entrail *somewhere* on our back lawn.

This is not a pleasant thing to find with your bare foot first thing on a Sunday morning (or any morning for that matter).

At 9:17 am, November 12, 2006, Blogger foodkitty said...

My Mr Foo (half brother of the departed Dr Manchu) refuses to eat rodents. Forunately his new brother Mia (had the sex change, too late for a name change)is the best rat and fly catcher around.
Because we have chooks, there are supplies of both.
No more smoochies for Mia!

At 11:47 am, November 12, 2006, Blogger redcap said...

Postscript: Bloke came home just as I scooped up the corpse with the spade. He said, "Here, let me do that." Saved! And he even came home with fish.

Ms Smack, thanks! :)

Steph, but I'm just not a dog person. I've tried, but vicious little murderers are more my style.

Red, Ooh, didn't think of sneaking the body into a nieghbour's bin! Excellent idea!

Gigglewick, I feel your pain, there. Mr F won't eat rats, but is happy to eat mice and he always leaves the guts on the doormat :P

Foodkitty, I think that's probably advisable. After all, we know exactly where those little kitty lips have been.

At 8:21 pm, November 12, 2006, Blogger DelightfulJen said...

Cat's are lovely but the little gifts are not always so lovely. My cat prefers to leave my presents under my bed, and another of my cats used to drop grasshoppers and the like in my school shoes and bag.

Thankfully no rats, they've only ever caught one rat, they are SO gross!

At 10:10 am, November 14, 2006, Blogger Rach said...


disposing of bodies is clearly a mans job.

i hope you gave him a massive guilt trip, and he came back with loads of fish.

stupid rat


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