Tuesday, January 06, 2009

In which Red takes the piss out of a nitwit

A little while ago, I received this comment on an old post on shallow bush grave names.

“I decided to search for my daughters name online as it is quite unique name, and the name has personal meaning to my wife. this is the only site in the world that mentions it and because you happen to be from adelaide and have the name Kyealea on your blog I guess we probably know you.It must be a sad existance to be 36 at the time of blogging this and finding enjoyment from being the first person to tease young children because of thier names. Be brave and send me your real name to holdensblow@yahoo.com.au

this crap is why I dont blog because its a safe place for pathetic people to show how brave they are while being completely Anonymous. Heres some advice get off the computer go out get a partner and live life or if you already have one get a new one because they are obviously not doing anything for you, you twisted bitter old pathetic bitch.

hope to hear from you soon
David (yes a real name!!)”

Oh, Dave, Dave, Dave. Sweetie. Darling. Where can I even begin?

For a start, thank you for dropping by. It’s so nice to find a new person to offend. That’s the wonderful thing about old posts: they continue to piss people off for months and even years. Now, a few things:

(1) I do not know you. Promise.

(2) You seem to have missed the point. I feel sorry for children with appalling names. It’s actually you, their parents, that I’m having a good old Aussie go at. I’m guessing your daughter's name is probably pronounced just the same way as "Kylie", because let's face it, “Ky-a-lee-ah” would just be too Kath and Kim to contemplate. You also fail to understand that it makes no difference to me whether it has "personal meaning" to your wife. I don't care. My point is that your unique name is so unique that the poor kid will have to spell it for the rest of her life, every time she phones for a pizza, books a doctor's appointment or calls a taxi.

(3) As for emailing you with my real name, if you think that’s going to happen, you’re dumber than your email address. I mean, really. holdensblow@yahoo.com.au? Sorry to disappoint you, Dave, but you’re just going to have to look elsewhere for a pen pal. Try Bogans R Us. But in the meantime, if anyone would like to sign Dave up for some nasty German fetish porn, please feel free!

(4) I think the real reason you don’t blog is because you can neither punctuate nor spell. I'm pleased to see that you know the difference between "of" and "off", but I think you'll find it's "existence", not "existance". Basic literacy skills are usually required to write, despite what you may have seen on MySpaz.

(5) Thanks for your concern, but I have a man and a fun social life (that does not involve Ford motor vehicles in any way). Would you believe it, I even have friends? But guess what? I still have time left over for being a bitch. I guess I’m just multi-talented, me.

Love and kisses,

The Twisted, Bitter, Old, Pathetic Bitch
(See Dave? I understand the use of commas.)

PS I'd still like you to write out "Kylie" 100 times in chalk on the asphalt of the playground. Do let me know when you're done.

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