Inappropriate Muffin

This is a little game I like to play on long car trips or when tipsy. The rules are quite simple: pick some revolting ingredients and design your muffin. Savoury, sweet, cross-over cuisine - it doesn't matter. The only requirement is that it be disgusting. It does have to food, though. No using snot and boot polish - that's too easy. And no human flesh thanks. We're talking inappropriate, not sicko-freak.

And of course, I'm talking about Texas muffins, not the English variety. You know, the sort you get for morning tea and usually contain yummy things like apple and cinnamon or blueberries or raspberry and white chocolate. McDonald's already has copyright on vomitous English muffins with its 'sausage' and egg monstrosity, so there's no point in trying to beat them.

So far some of my favourite combinations have been:

• fritz (that's devon to all you Sydney-siders) and apricot
• anchovy and crystalised pineapple
• liver and onions
• tuna and caramel
• gherkin, mashmallow and poppyseed
• lard
• smoked eel and peanut butter
• sausage and blueberry
• strawberry and Vegemite
• curry and boisenberry
• fish head and Coco Pops
• brussels sprouts and Red Bull
• kidney and peppermint
• tapioca and turnip
• spam and plum jam (served warm)
• cough syrup with crushed aspirin crumble (though this could be helpful if you had the flu)
• baked bean and banana

As you can see, spreads are a rich source of inspiration, as is offal. If someone on Iron Chef would make ice-cream out of it, then it's probably an Inappropriate Muffin. If it's sick-making, it's definitely an Inappropriate Muffin.

Come on, hit me with your worst. I'm strong enough to take it.